my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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