just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
