i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize