I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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