is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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