I hope mine doesn't look like that
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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