It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
