I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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