I wannas sexs uuuuu
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
