he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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