Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
