Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
