If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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