Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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