Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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