this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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