you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
