if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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