At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
