Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
