I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We left an ass print on the piano.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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