So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We were destined to go to rehab together
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
