I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
