Whod you bang
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
