I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
