google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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