Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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