In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
