I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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