If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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