There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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