Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
