if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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