i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
