Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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