I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my shit smells like andre
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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