My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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