I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
