Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
