batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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