you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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