ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
