a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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