ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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