omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
