we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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