eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
