so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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