I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
