Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
