So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
