TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
