I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
