Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
