Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
