He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
