Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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