how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
