ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
