oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
