I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
