I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
