I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
