today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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