I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize