I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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