You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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