So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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