Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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