I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
