I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
