I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
