there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
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You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.