This is not my ceiling
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.