I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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This gyro tastes like lonliness
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.