i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
