I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
My liver just had a heart attack.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.