was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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