i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
