I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He felt like a one man threesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
