What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
