So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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