u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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