literally had 100 drinks last night.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
