dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
