No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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